similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
