Where is the hickey?
accomplished twins. life is a go
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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