Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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