One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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