Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
