I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize