i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
