Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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