i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
