I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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