Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
