at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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