Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
