You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
