Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize