I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
