He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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