OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
