Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Walk of Shame today included voting.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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