May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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