I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
