Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
