sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize