So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
