my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
