No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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