onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
