Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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