ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
