i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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