i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
