You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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