I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
