he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize