Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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