so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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