I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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