Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
