are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize