Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
