o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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