i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
