your parents love me but you hate me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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