Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You may now shotgun with the bride
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize