Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
