omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
