I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
