I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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