he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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