Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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