goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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