This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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