Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
