I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
