Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
