Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
