you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
