I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
