but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
false alarm, still single
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