Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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