hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
