He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
