we're blogging at a bar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
