I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
