I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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