We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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