apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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