He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
