be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
