it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
