this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
