I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
