ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize