is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tornado booty call.. dedication
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
