god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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