I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
