If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
