You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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