Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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