I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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