I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
