I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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